In a stunning turn of events, James
Betty has stormed the PAJ mainframe and cut the editorial staff out
of “their property” and his first decree as Lord of PAJ is that I
can stop writing everything like a god damn news brief. Can't I just
tell a story like a person would, instead of hammering facts into a standardized format that conveys beautiful experiences through the
stammering of an informative robot? Oh jesus, it took me two
sentences to start sounding like a righteous wad. Ditching the sober
second thought might be one of the worst ideas I've ever had. I'd
love to make a crack about what happens when you turn off the
autopilot here, but it's too soon. It's also a bad sign that I'm not
even through the first paragraph and I'm already parroting the voice
of the old master to subdue myself. Sarte was right about this freedom thing. It's going to take some courage to stick with this
change, and it's more than just shouting down my own doubt. Those
quotes up there are real. “Their property.” Lawyers said that.
I'm countering a fairly legal letter with two crossed fingers and
hoping the PAJ editors will realize spending money on lawyers to
regain something that makes them zero dollars isn't a good
investment. That letter they sent probably cost $300. Hopefully
that's all they're willing to lose.
Working in journalism will gain you a
few contacts in high places, and those contacts are especially handy
when they have known about Heartbleed for years. Caligula Goonsquad
and I are not especially friendly, in fact the extent of our
relationship is him reading my e-mails and me not trusting him, but
when I mentioned to Ovaltine Goose-Shredder via e-mail that I wanted
to stage a coup d'etat at PAJ, Caligula gave me the username and
password of the blog almost instantly. At the risk of ratting on
Caligula after he did me a huge favour [not his real name, btw], I
want to go on record saying I have someone doing favours for me
inside the NSA. Hopefully the prospect of running into someone who is
above the law will scare those lawyers away. They'll have better luck
putting a t-shirt on a fish than sticking some consequences to an NSA
agent. And I probably don't need to mention this, but I will anyway:
Caligula Goonsquad has a malleable relation to morality. They're
clay. They're molded into whatever his country needs. He's a good
bureaucrat in that respect. Sometimes he molds them himself, but
nothing's ever set in stone, and that makes him unpredictable and
dangerous. And don't take me exposing him as a guarantee that he will
turn against me, you don't know what that man is capable of.
Over the years there have been a few
things the editors of PAJ and I have clashed over, but the fact is
they've been pretty good about giving me leeway in the format when I
asked for it. They've been good to me, and I don't forget that, but
when they decided they wouldn't let me post a eulogy for Karen by
telling me PAJ doesn't have an obit section, I knew I was done
working with them. The format of the blog can be whatever we want it to be, so don't tell me you won't post an obituary, that's obviously
not the reason. The only question left was what to do about striking
out on my own, but before I could quit writing for PAJ Caligula
handed down an answer from on high. Even though I despise everything
about him and what he does, keeping the continuity with my past body
of work was too big a plus to ignore. So I stole a website. Hear me
out before you judge, or just don't judge.
Ovaltine Goose-Shredder introduced me to Karen seven years ago. We were quick friends and I loved her like
I love anything that makes the world feel like a balanced place.
Goosie I've known since high school. I didn't know there was a force
on this planet that could bring his manic energy onto an even keel.
The peace that followed Karen around almost made Goose-Shredder
practical. Almost. I'm glad I saw the effect she had on the world
around her. I'm glad I know her example. It gives me hope that I will
see more of her likeness in the world in my later years. As the
world's first human to be brought back from a lengthy death, Karen
faced challenges both existential and personable that those of us
without mechanical two stage pumps for a heart couldn't even imagine,
and she stood up to these challenges with the grace she carried
everywhere in her life. She will be missed, for real and forever this
time.
PAJ will be back to reporting next
week, only from now on it will be Awesomer. Welcome to the new shape of the news.
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