James Betty has the Sickness; Phones it in This Week

I've been sick all week. It looks like this is going to be a Monday to Friday kind of thing, which would be fine if I was getting paid, but phlegm is only trading at about $0.04/oz right now so making a living is difficult. You would have to have a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters smoking two packs a day to turn a profit at those prices. Monkeys are also notorious for ignoring spittoons, so I guess that harvesting method wouldn't work at all, actually. One more get-rich-quick scheme down the drain. Had real promise too.

I totally have an article, actually two, done this week, but I'm having trouble concentrating and just making something up seemed like a way better plan than taking something seriously. Even if what I'm looking at is utter nonsense, proofreading requires an attention to the English language that just doesn't seem appropriate right now. Also I once let a friend mix scotch and cough medicine and she turned out great so I haven't really got anything to lose by running with this. It's all uphill from here.

I've figured out why old people suck. It's daytime television's fault. The medium itself is like late-night television without the cussing and innuendo, but they still try and fill entire hours at a time with whatever wanders by. The difference is that without dick jokes you're left trying to fill time with human interest stories featuring moral plot-lines that border on goonish emotional thuggery. How old people have the energy to sustain the emotional resonance over weeks is beyond me. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they only pick up on two or three different stories and then repeat their morals at every family gathering until the part of their brain that stores it gets too mushy. Goonish emotional thuggery, I'm onto you grandma. I'm calling her out on it when we're at Easter.

The structure of these shows is strange. They're rounded, they roll all over the place. You don't see one side of anything for too long before it's tuned over. Today on Ellen Megan Fox brought up the fact that future humans went back in time and built the pyramids to give us a head start on what triangles look like and she barely got a second to talk about that before Ellen threw to commercial. I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and I don't care if there's a lesbian haircut is at the top. I'm going on a crusade on behalf of pretty people with stupid ideas everywhere. Where's my kaballah bracelet?

I was going to go on a crusade, but I'm pretty sick this week and my bed is really warm. Also the news is really bumming me out this week, so did you know that there is competitive R/C car racing? Why not, right?