12:17 - I woke up at noon to find a slow drip of content coming out of a sports network adopting a 24 hour news cycle format to cover the NHL trade deadline. It could work, but it's not the weekend so it's pretty boring. When I turned on my TV they were projecting the player selections/line match-ups for Canada's 2014 Olympic Hockey Team. Premature? Absolutely. Jonathan Toews could be playing for Al-Qaeda by then. Afghanistan could build an arena by then. A producer at TSN could figure out this is a terrible format by then. All maybe's because two years is a long time. On a day when nothing is sure to happen, there will be more to come...
12:28 – Gambling to the rescue! Gambling websites are offering 5:1 odds on James Duthie being crushed by his inability to make TradeCentre entertaining and having a complete mental breakdown live on air. Maybe I was a little too harsh on the format. Live TV kind of rules when you think about it.
12:30 - Twitter is full of smart people huh...
12:47 – The boredom is getting to the on air personalities too. Bob McKenzie and Gord Miller have stripped to the waist and are about to have a bare-knuckle boxing match for the ages. A smart network would turn on their sepia filter right about now.
12:53 – Things are actually happening! Right now the odds are pretty good that I'll be eating my words. Too bad I'm doing this Live(?) on my Word Processor so the TradeCentre bashing can't be changed. Apparently the New York Rangers have traded Sean Avery for Ron Artest. Word is they're trying to add some psychotic-unpredictability down the stretch and ditching their clownishness. Really, Ron Artest has always seemed like more of a hockey player than a hoopster.
1:01 – Jason Spezza has been traded for a go-kart. Ottawa Senators General Manager Brian Murray has said “A go-kart will give the puck away less, and be more fun.” Spezza will be a Kart-Waxer at Little Indy Go-Karts near the Playdium in Mississauga.
1:23 – Mark Crawford is announcing that the Edmonton Oilers went all Air Bud and signed a full on Polar Bear. Crawford thinks this will add some much needed grit to their roster. The signing from the Metro Toronto Zoo is conditional on the bear learning to skate on two legs. Also likes the zoo's adding Taylor Hall to the monkey pen, saying “Hopefully the chimps can keep their fingers out of his head wound.”
2:21 – Brian Murray has got Jason Spezza back from Little Indy Go-Karts for their 4th and 5th round picks. Murray is saying, “We need a Kart-Waxer now that we have a go-kart. Who knew? The towel boy told me to go to hell when I told him to do it, so we're glad to have Spezz back. With his familiarity with the organization he should step right into his new position with no difficulty.”
4:41 – Ha, just kidding. I got bored and made all that up. Also I napped for most of the afternoon. If there are fewer commentators at the desks I'll assume something interesting happened and look into it, but actually nothing happened so I can just watch the last twenty minutes and assume I saw everything. Excelsior!
4:54 – They've gone into silent film! The TSN panel went into a black and white silent film mode! It's a triumph of experimental journalism that's got me seriously reconsidering what I'm doing with my life. I'd given up on ever being impressed by the TSN crew, nay, I never even gave them a chance. I never thought I could be surprised by a bunch of people who had no idea what to say for 9 hours, but they slogged through the hours of doldrums to create space for the magic moments of sublime artistic re-invention they ended with, and I'm in tears. I never thought I'd say this, but I may be a hack journalist. I think I have to write a sonnet for James Duthie, or maybe I just owe him that pair of queens I bet against his mental stability.
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