[Ed. Note: Shit Shit Shit Okay Ovaltine
Goose-Shredder is still missing. See where the part of the article
where someone says something smart isn't there? That's where OGS
would be. Maybe no one will notice anything is missing. Fuck, would
that be good or bad? Uhhhhhhhmmmmmm. Look, we need to find this guy,
in both a personal and professional sense. PAJ kind of flounders when
he's not around and that makes me feel bad. That's the personal
sense. In the professional sense, PAJ's Workman's Comp file has
tripled over the last week, along with the premiums. If we could
afford that we would have our own domain. Jheeeeesus. Miss ya Goosie!
Come back soon! Please!]
Newly re-elected US President Barack
Obama carried his slogan of 'Hope and Change' into his second term in
his inaugural address last week, scaring the hell out of U.S. House
of Representatives Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio). Obama's plans for
his public mandate have been taken by Boenher as an earnest intent to
commit full on assault against the Republican Party, with an end goal
of complete destruction. “[The Democrats will] attempt to
annihilate the Republican Party. And let me just tell you, I do
believe that is their goal — to just shove us into the dustbin of
history.” he said in a speech to the Ripon Society Wednesday,
outraged over Obama trying to do anything at all and outlining the
new level of ineffectiveness the Republican Party would rather the
Democrats sink to.
Piss Awesome Journalism caught up with
Citizen Danny outside the Coveant Garden Market early Thursday for
his take on Boehner's reaction. “Look at the spelling! Say it
phonetically! That dude's name is Boner! Maroon! What a maroon!”
Danny needed a few minutes before he could be coaxed into a comment
worth printing. “Is he surprised that the guy elected president
would try and do something with it? I thought the whole point was
that those two oppose each other and whatever comes out of it is what
runs the country.” His comment touches on the fact that Boehner's
idea of the Obama presidency doesn't leave room for Obama to actually act
on any of the tenants that he campaigned on, or really acknowledge
Boehner's own position as the opposition.
Many people have taken Boehner's use of
the word annihilate to be overblown and hyperbolic, distracting from
actual issues Boehner could have discussed instead, like talking
about policy matters instead of the President blowing up the
Republican party, which given the history of their two party system
seems mostly impossible. Local Outragee Sandra disagrees that
Boehner's rhetoric is overblown, shrieking “Obama can annihilate
things, he'll just send one of his drones! He can do that! They're in
the sky right now! It's that easy!” Despite Obama's drones,
Democratic pundits are quick to disagree that they could do anything
more to annihilate the Republican Party, pointing to the Republican
representatives talk of “legitimate rape”, and Cathrynn Brown
(R-NM) proposing a bill that would make it a felony for a woman to
abort a foetus conceived as a result of rape, as evidence that
Republicans will annihilate themselves just fine on their own.
Despite the fact that they are quickly
destroying themselves through shockingly irresponsible ideas,
Republican strategists have already begun looking towards the next
election. “We need to get people organized and learn from what
Obama did,” says former national party chairman Mike Duncan,
“We’ve got to reverse engineer what they did and leapfrog to the
next cycle.” Despite this plan of action, most analysts agree that
there's no way in hell that the Republican Party will make themselves
more liberal, even if it would make the party a better reflection of
what America actually is.
[Ed. Note: Goosie Lives!]
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