Bio-Robo Invasion of South America Begins

The horde of biometric robocops spawned out of the hijacked Google cloning base on Antarctica began spilling out of boats up the coasts of Argentina and Chile early Thursday morning in what many are calling a proper invasion of epic proportions. The broccoli headed plant organisms that run off photosynthesis were created through a DNA sequence put together by the resistance group GASP, who programmed the biometric robocops to replicate themselves after seizing control of the Google run cloning facility. Aerial surveillance of Antarctica has shown that while the invading force leaving has created a sizable hole in the number of bio-robos, the total number left on the continent is still estimated at around 2 million. Always quick to find a silver lining to put a panicking public at ease, Botany expert Ovaltine Goose-Shredder says surveillance shows that the biometric robocops have stopped their round-the-clock replication of themselves, so their numbers are no longer growing. What makes Goose-Shredder certain that no new bio-robos will be made is that the horde is mobile now, so the two million left on Antarctica will only concentrate on invading inhabited areas and make landfall as quickly as possible, causing experts to note that people who rely on facts for everything should never try to reassure anyone.

Upon hearing what he believed to be misinformation being distributed through the press, GASP leader Axel Hjalmar used a pirate TV signal to tell the world that the biometric robocop horde would never stop replicating themselves willingly, as numbers are the most important part of winning the war against technology. Hjalmar says that the bio-robos could only have stopped cloning themselves because of “a failure of the Google [cloning] apparatus,” and that it's a shame that the bio-robos are no longer multiplying because their use of photosynthesis provided great environmental benefits for the Earth. Hjalmar finished his transmission by saying he would welcome anyone who could lend him a spare cloning apparatus that they have lying around, because “unfortunately, GASP does not have the expertise to put together a cloning booth, or whatever people use to make clones.”

Panic is gripping the southern peninsula of South America as the bio-robo horde spreads inland from the coast destroying every piece of electronic technology they can get their hands on. “It's horrifying,” one eyewitness who lost a tablet and a digital clock said, “It's like they could smell [the electronics].” The Argentinian President has issued a warning to all citizens to put their electronics on the road in front of their house to prevent the green horde from kicking in doors and damaging their homes, and to surrender any electronics on their person when confronted by a biometric robocop, as the bio-robos are known to turn violent when they meet resistance. “Treat them like bees, bees who are trying to steal your cellphone. You leave them alone, and they'll leave you alone,” President Cristina Fernandez de Krichner said early Thursday. Once in control of an electronic device, a biometric robocop will hold the device above their head and run screaming like a banshee to the edge of the nearest body of water and pitch it in. Ovaltine Goose-Shredder has several theories as to why the bio-robos scream while in possession of electronics. “It could be an emergency siren, like 'hey get out of my way I've got bad stuff to destroy here' for other [biometric robocops], or the electronics could just be burning their hands, but that would be a glaring design flaw on what is proving to be a pretty well designed organism,” he said late Thursday, marking the first time Goose-Shredder has complimented Hjalmar.

With the number of bio-robos making landfall increasing every hour, the Argentinian military is reassuring citizens that they have a plan, and are scrambling troops to intercept the horde as quickly as possible. For citizens, the response cannot come fast enough. “There are at least thirty [biometric robocops] that I can see running around the street right now,” one eyewitness who asked not to be identified said, “I wish I could take a picture of this. I don't know how I'll remember it now.” The eyewitness then realized that he was talking to a journalist, and amended his statement, saying “I got mugged by a plant. Please don't tell anyone about this.”